Smiling to a Frenemy: Politeness or Fake?

 

 

Author: Madaki Rabiat

  We all have that one "fake" friend, the one that has a deep resentment towards us but still greets us with a smile, maybe even incite a conversation. We find them phony and annoyingly so, but what if we're that "fake friend'' without realizing?

 

  The other day I ran into an old friend I recently had a fallout with, and despite my blistering displeasure towards them, my face formed into a smile to say hello. At that moment, my brain seemed to have stopped working, my pent up anger disappeared, just to be summoned some milliseconds later. After I caught a grip of myself, I suddenly became aware of how "fake" the whole scenario was - people who dislike each other giving pretentious smiles to one another.

 

  Not only did I get pissed at myself for "betraying my anger", I felt two-faced like I had just committed a social felony. Amidst myself critique a question popped in my head, "is it phony to smile at someone you loathe or have unresolved beef with?"

 

    So I decided to carry out a small survey. I posed the question to a group of people. 25% said they've never been in that scenario but are certain they wouldn't smile at someone they hate, not unless the person springs up on them out of nowhere.

The other 75% admitted they smile to people they dislike - "it's normal nhaw", they said.

 

  

  Furthermore, one person went on to say if I tag smiling at a person I loathe as "fake" then "everyone in the world is fake because we all do it." In this regard, we're all fake and shouldn't call someone fake. But if we're all fake by proxy, why then do we get mad when we discover someone who smiles at us badmouths us behind our backs, isn't that the same thing?

 

  Out of all the responses I got one stood out the most -  greeting someone you're not cool with is merely an act of diplomacy, sometimes even a force of habit. But I'm not here to pass judgement on what is fake and isn't.

 

   Oftentimes people pretend to like each other not because they're fake but rather due because they feel compelled to reciprocate the feelings the other person has for them. But by doing this, you're simply indulging in the toxicity of the relationship - fueling it even. Be genuine with your feelings - both the positive and negative ones.

 

 

  If there's a clear unspoken issue with somebody or a group of people, it's best confronted. Have a conversation with them to clear it up. Talk about your feelings openly to eliminate the need for ingenious smiles. It'd also give you a feeling of warmth and peace even though the conversation doesn't go well. Your heart will be met with a solemn tranquility - you get the resolute closure your soul deeply craves. If you're so pissed that you don't want to talk to them, then simply ignore them. This might sound a little harsh but if your relationship with them is toxic for you then there's no need for pretension.

 

   You can greet them with a smile again when truly you're over that relationship. That small smile is an indication of growth.

 

Tell us what you think, do you agree that smiling at someone you like is fake or do you think it's simply diplomacy and shouldn't be considered fake? Do you agree that smiling at someone is fake or is it to you just mere politeness?